YOU DON'T HAVE TO "FRIEND" ME OR "LIKE" ME

I just want you to read my work!!  
If it interests you.
And I do want you to share it with others who might enjoy it.
It's my forum to talk and think with you.

BUT I get stubborn and bashful and repelled by asking you to "friend" me or to "like" my stuff.  Friendship emerges.  Liking is voluntary.  I hate coercion or pressure on me or anyone else.  

And yet I love the connectedness and spontaneity of social media.
The creativity. The freedom. The egalitarian nature inherent in it.
So much good possible. So I shrug and use the terms that are given.

"Like me." Send me Valentines. Ask me to the Prom. Be my best friend (one of all hundred best friends) Sign my autograph book. Otherwise how will I know I'm OK?  Ugh, ugh, ugh, a thousand times ugh.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

This is my disclaimer.  
I do ask you to read my work
I want you to read my work.
I want you to like my work.
I want my work to be useful to you
I want you to share my work.

You don't have to like me or be my friend.
Possible, not mandatory

WHEN CHILDREN ARE PEERS

I write this to brag and apologize at the same time. 

(This is the apology part)
My husband and I  have all adult children at this point in time.
I mean bona fide -able to handle whatever comes into their lives -adults.
And most are parents too.
We are peer parents!!
Sort of.

We still have been first  to places they are just beginning to go.
It's called experience.
And we want to share it, forgetting that we didn't want our own parents' wisdom.  

So we bumble along, sometimes overlooking our kids' competence and age and we--oh my gosh--we nag!!  We over advise.  We have strong opinions.  We worry that we see what they don't.  It is our habit to want to keep them safe.
And there is a subtle shift that will grow over time as they begin to want to keep us safe.  And we will want to shrug that off in the same way.

But there are such lovely aspects to having adult children.
(This is the brag part.)

FOR MOTHER'S DAY--What Pleases Me About My Adult Kids:
--They love a good laugh
--I would trust any one of them to be on a jury.  They have great character and judgment
--They are curious with wide ranging interests and passions and bring their worlds to us
--They are hard workers, thanks to the family chore chart in their lives
--They are astute observers, insightful and compassionate
--I could go on a week long vacation with any one of them and we would have a ball and not get on one another's nerves (too badly)
--They know how to celebrate and express love
--They are stalwart and loyal to one another
--And most importantly--they like board games and appreciate the role of pop corn in one's life

I love you, my dear adult children!

YULE LOG? WHY NOT A MAY DAY LOG?

What can I say?
It's May.
And I have a fire in the fireplace.
A May Day log.

I'm glad it's gray and damp enough that I thought to do it.
I have been simply sitting with the fire.
Not reading. 
Not writing until now.

I have had many heart tenderizing moments lately.
Big cosmic feelings of the largeness of life and my instant in it.
Anyone's instant in it.

So it's time for some comfort and some soothing.
Those of us who are stalwart forget to do this.

I used to be diligent about lighting a candle when we sat down to eat or when I had a tough desk job to do.  I always traveled with candles that could make any lousy motel room cozy. And when one of my kids has an important moment I light a candle for them--births, big presentations, travel. (I seriously light it and put it in the bath tub for safety)  You know I do.  In fact I have one burning now for the heathy welcome into life of a new and imminent grandchild.

Ooops.  Just slipped into revery.
Where was I?

I know.  I'm bringing back the candles!
That tiny flame calms, slows, warms, settles, provides beauty and movement.
That's a lot from a candle.
Know that you need all of those candle goodies.
This world is at an odd moment.
We need tiny moments of peace.

AND the universe is sooooo funny.  I just wrote "Peace" and the phone rang with a creditor for some bill that didn't get paid while we were in Mexico!!!
I need a bonfire now.

FUTILITY HAS ITS UTILITY EVEN WHEN IT COULD CARE LESS

I have been hit hard by a tragic death--that of my son's business partner and intimate friend since high school.  Car crash.  Young, two little ones, wife.  I'm sure you know the story.

I have been thrown into a place of too much perspective.
Looking at the long run and history and the tiny impact of the individual life.
Feeling futile. 
And then freed by futility to let go of stuff I don't care about.
As in who gives a ---- (choose your preferred word)
I don't have to do anything because nothing matters.
Gets you to the simple place of only the essence.
One of mine is writing.  I want to write even when I feel futile.
Another is reading.  I want to read (about futility) even when I feel futile.
I want to hear from my kids even when I feel futile
I want to sit still until something moves me.  If not, let me be. Who cares?

So there you have it. The utility of futility.
A clarifier.

My humor is coming back so healing starts.  You know what popped me back into play.  I found the lost key to my office.  Bingo. Hope is back.  
I mean really.  Perspective shifts from such tiny impetus.  Not ready for action.
But a glimpse of something good happening begins the turn around.

HOW VICTORIAN OF ME!

I know the seven deadly sins.
Are there seven lively virtues?

Anyway I have been thinking of a good old-fashioned virtue so I share it to get it out of my head and onto paper.

FORBEARANCE.  Now I did not have a huge family gathering for Easter, so this is not a reaction to my family reality.  Not that it couldn't be, but it isn't.

I live with a family of certified coaches (which can make all of us certified nuts) and therapists so we are pretty darned good at blunt and very good at expressing love and appreciation.  And we are a combined family so we are also good at knowing when to shut up.  We talk about the amount of adaptation skills it takes to combine five kids into a family just because the parents want to be together. We have ended up with five wonderful adult children--meaning I'd be glad to go on an extended vacation with any one of them.  Pretty good, no?

Forbearance means both tolerance and restraint.  Name a modern issue and see what tolerance and restraint could do to address it.
Middle East?
Putin?
Congress?
Race?
Family tension?

Forbearance takes a strong ego and a managed ego.
It takes knowing when to give and when to take.
It demands knowing how much blunt truth is needed and when.
It knows that blunt truth always does some damage and takes time and trust to repair.
Forbearance knows that it takes a strong self to be able to hold back when needed.

Here's the catch.  Forbearance has to be a shared value, a community behavior or it can be self-victimizing and/or simply promote lying.  So sometimes it has to be taught or named with some blunt truth.  

I think Forbearance could make the world go round much better before it can't anymore.

THINKING OF TRANSITION/STABILITY RATIO AND CHAOS.

Whoooa.  That sounds like physics and maybe it is.
Then again, I can make the simple complex.
Oops--physics again.

Anyhow.  I am getting ready to leave Mexico for Maine.
A transition.

One of my son's said, "You know, you lose a month out of your life for that Mexico transition.  A week thinking about it, a week doing the logistics of the change and then, on the other side, a week doing the logistics of arriving and a week getting soul and spirit in place." And  we do this transition twice a year.  Two months  of adjustment? Factor in visits with far flung kids.  More transition.  Add life events like deaths and births.  Pile on the people in your life doing the same.  Moving, changing jobs, making and breaking relationships.  New boss, New location, new house, new schools, new job title.

Where did stability go?  I remember in my workplace when we prepared people for change and transition.  We talked about it, we communicated about it, we gave support to people--BEFORE the change occurred. Transition was something that happened in between stable times of people, jobs, relationships, and geography.  

Now I can't even live psychology in one time zone.  I interact intimately with people in five different states of time and mind.  Wine time?  Coffee time?
Oooops too early in the morning time.

So where is and what is stability now?  Do we live in perpetually confused seas?
I think so.  So maybe my cell phone is my home base.  Maybe Facebook is my club house.  Maybe LinkedIn is my office.  Maybe Netflix series are my community and continuity.  Virtual connection can be quite real and satisfying. Maybe that's why people cling to it.  I dont' know. Just thinking out loud.

I do know that silence and an hour alone is my stable place.
Where I am.
Where I stand.
From where I navigate all the other movement in my life.
Stability in a world veering toward chaos.

WHAT IF TRITE IS STILL TRUE?

I had a discussion with my Mexican neighbor about old sayings or "dichos".
It was fun seeing English sayings through new eyes.
New eyes saw the wisdom.

Try these on with new eyes--as if you had to act on them tomorrow:

-Know thyself.
-You never know what you can do until you try.
-Waste not, want not.
-Variety is the spice of life.
-Don't judge a book by its cover.

What if you made those real and didn't bat them away because of familiarity?

And here are some for fun from my conversation with Pilar.

-Hierba mala nunca muere---A bad weed never dies-give up changing someone
-Peor es chile y aqua lejos---Even worse is a chile and water that's far away so don't feel sorry for yourself
-Hacer de la peidras pan---Make bread out of rocks--sort of if you have lemons
make lemonade
-No le picas peras al Olmo---Don't try to pick pears from an Elm tree.  Face reality.

This conversation began with a salutation for my Birthday.
-Gallina vieja hace buen caldo.
An old hen makes good broth.

Bueno.  What can I say to that!