MORE SPUR OF THE MOMENT OR MORE FLOW OF THE MOMENT??

Actually, I want both but I have my life organized to have neither.
Or NOT organized to have both!

I love spur of the moment ideas and actions. They provide zest, vitality, surprise, a "why not?" attitude.  Playing hooky is heaven.  Being just a little outrageous makes spur of the moment even better.  Planning to go to a nice dinner a week ahead of time isn't half as good as doing it on the spur of the moment. It doesn't have to be a big grandiose plan.  In fact it has to be NO plan just a sudden decision to do something you want to do NOW. I bought a stove this week in 10 minutes when I went to the store to buy a timer!!!
I had a quick cup of coffee with my daughter when we both needed to be somewhere else and were running late.   My husband and I impulsively got a new cat (dumb, swore not to, didn't wrestle with the decision) on the spur of the moment.  Big or little, It's invigorating.

Flow of the moment is a different animal from spur of the moment.
It happens when there is time enough to allow something to emerge.
There is the same quality of doing something you hadn't planned to that gives pleasure but  there is a sense of flow and timelessness. I was reading a cookbook and I moved into a soup making marathon with no hurry and no fuss.
Three soups in an hour was easy, satisfying, fun. No missteps.  On a Sunday afternoon, my granddaughter took a nap easily, my daughter and I played cards and moved into cooking dinner together.  None of this was planned.
It just happened. That's what I mean by flow of the moment. It feels like there is enough time--a rare occurence for me.

Am I nuts or is your experience of time like mine?  I like most of what I do or have to do. But my life is lived in fragmented chunks of over commitment to a schedule, a calendar. We all live this way which is why allowing for spur of the moment activities or flowing into a nice moment is difficult. Too much planned time.  

I'm thinking of going off the grid of the calendar every other week to allow a more organic use of my time.  Of course, I'd have to coordinate with you to
go with me. There's the dilemma, right there.  We are all over booked and the serendipitous likes freedom.

RELIEF OR HIGH ANXIETY???

I can mess up any operating system in a minute. I do have computer anxiety.
I took a class long ago with my direct reports at work. They can validate this story. The teacher said, "Don't worry, you can't do any damage."  Well, I did. Who knows how? The teacher didn't. Kept saying, "I don't believe you did this!!"

Needless to say, I have a little sense of Jinx when it comes to technology.
And I have "learned incompetence" from having had good support people around me at work, where I just yelled, "Help".  Often and loud. 

I got in a "Let's create order!" frame of mind this last week-end. Not good.
I don't do order so well.  I'm a clear thinker in chaos, but should not approach
minute ordering. I do well with "glumps".

I decide to clean up my computer and iPad. (So go your closets, so go your iPad and computer)  Let's say I had many many many many emails to trash.
Many, many. I turned on the cooking channel and began my clean-up.
I'll never share how many hours passed!

But, for one glorious moment I had ZERO emails. I didn't mean to delete the last 100 so if I haven't responded to you, now you know why. (See what i mean?) But it felt great.  A little odd, like I had no friends or importance in the world but exciting. No burden, no guilt, no clutter.  I did the same with my iPad (not as easy).  I felt like i was on helium. 

But then, no email appeared for a day and a half. Bye, bye freedom.  Hello anxiety.  What did I miss?  Who had I offended? What great surprise did i
pass by? I had pressed too many random keys which is my approach to technology. So I pressed random buttons again and there were 200 plus emails immediately in front of me. I felt safer. And I felt chased. How to stay ahead of the onslaught? 

Food for thought.  Still chewing on it.
I bet you are too.

I'M IN A SUGAR HIGH/COMA!!

And I like it. Toosie Pop glory. From Halloween!!
I remember when candy was just fun and you had it whenever you could.
Yes, you had to brush your teeth, but you didn't think it would wreck your life and hormones.  

There was some kind of deal when I went to the movies in grade school that you could get six candy bars for the price of five.  Peppermint Patties that were the size of a hockey puck, (Yes, all candy bars are smaller) Chuckles that defined you as a "red" fan or a "black" fan which means you saved those for last.  A huge Charms sucker that left the roof of your mouth raw. A Peanuts Planters bar that you had to suck into submission.  A Butterfinger bar that crumbled dry and then formed into cement in your teeth. Buttery good cement. And saved for last and the end of the movie IF you had good pacing was the Heath Bar, which was a bar not a chip like it is today. 

There was an art to making each goodie last as long as possible.
You either bit each ridge of the Chuckle off one by one or held it in your mouth til it was slippery and had to be swallowed.  It would be so awful if you suddenly gobbled or bit too soon.  

Now I worry about sugar, grains, meat, pesticide on fruits, lifeless veggies,
bad ol dairy.  I am nostalgic for Jello and Pop-Up biscuits and mushroom soup used on everything for sauce. No one was fat. They were heavy set.  

Hell with it.  I'm going to make a retro dinner.
Iceberg lettuce with Russian Dressing--mayo, ketchup, sweet pickle relish
Or Perfection salad--shredded cabbage and carrots in orange Jello.
Canned corned beef hash as filling for Pop-Up pin wheel rolls with (what else?
mushroom soup gravy.
Canned green beans with tons of butter.
And--Butterscotch Ripple ice cream for desert.
Or canned Mandarin oranges with miniature marshmallows and shredded coconut and Cool Whip!  

What will my grandchildren yearn for?
Kale chips?
Fruit gel?
Omnipresent granola? (the word makes me gag)
Hummus!!!
Gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, SIN free treats.

I made everyone in a small Starbucks laugh long and hard when I ordered and said, "Please give me a vanilla latte and hold everything good"  Everyone knew I meant sugar free, caffein free, dairy free pretend latte!!

"I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

That quote is from the film A Thousand Clowns (not originally from the film
Network).  If you haven't ever seen A Thousand Clowns, do it. The lead character Murray (Jason Robards) is beyond a free spirit. At one point, fed up with the craziness of the world, he shouts this mantra from his window into the neighborhood.

Why am I mad as hell?
When I'm a customer, I want to be right.
When I'm a patient, I want the doctor to be right.
Simple.  

I went to a restaurant this week for lunch.
Glad to see lots of open tables but puzzled about the line of people waiting.
They take my name. I wait. We all wait. Standing. 
The line moves slowly. My turn along with my friend.
First in line. Six tables open. Guy says we'll seat you in about 5 minutes.
I ask if we can sit at a table and wait.
He says, 'No, we don't want to swamp the chef with orders all at the same time."  I say, "I just want to sit and have water and look at the menu."
He says, "No, we don't seat people til the chef is ready."  
We leave. I forgot the business exists for the chef.

Next restaurant, the hostess asks us if we mind waiting while she finishes a phone call?  We say, "yes" we mind.  
I order a salad.  I can't choose the dressing I want. Salads come with only the one mentioned in the menu. Easier for the kitchen. She brings the wrong salad with its lifelong companion dressing and asks if I mind keeping it because it's really really good. "No", I say, "I want my salad with the rigid choice of dressing."

I go to the doctor to get back results of important tests. Lung tests.
I follow his lead. He chats about my sleep apnea, we share recipes. We talk kids. He is very very nice. I'm getting anxious to hear results. He starts to leave. I say, "No I'm here for test results." He says, "They never tell me"  He gives the results.  They are good. He leaves. I grab a nurse and say, "Great news, I don't have cancer, but I still can't breathe".  Doctor comes back and examines me and says, "Yep, you have asthma and we need lung tests."  Very nice guy. Very. But who is in charge? Me?

You all know this. I just wanted to gripe. Work is being shifted and unloaded but it has to go somewhere and that's on the consumer's shoulders. I understand self-accountability. But  don't proclaim service. Make sure I know I'm in this alone. New definition of customer---that person who makes the seller's job easier.  New definition of health client---exhaustingly vigilant person
protecting self from health care.

I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
This is best shouted out an open window.
Join me

FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

Do you remember certain friendships that were like falling in love.
It's just so fun and full of kindred spirit with so much to talk about.
And so safe to share absolutely anything.

This is rare friendship and no one can  have many of this kind.
I've been blessed with several in my life.
And now a new old one.

I have reconnected with my best friend from Freshman year in college.
All kinds of reasons for the disconnect. None of them good nor dramatic. Just life.  I stumbled on her email, wrote and now we write daily.
In love again!!
I love when life takes "random" out of the equation and makes the exact right thing happen.

And now to brag about her.  She is an exquisite writer although she would hate to have that word used. She is an elegant country farmer philosopher,and a precise word painter. She manages to make daily life lifted through her writing.
Here's something she sent in response to my complaints about my battle with clutter. 

Keeping

keeping hope for the kindness of 

Fate and others,

keeping track of mundane pairs: socks

gloves, knitting needles,

keeping my mind supple and my legs 

strong,

keeping the ability to respond to 

mystery and beauty,

keeping a sense of gratitude and

awareness of serendipitous privilege,

keeping my balance,

keeping family relationships

strong,

keeping only things i truly

need or value,

keeping a clean and tidy house?

not worth keeping.  

Liz Swenson

MARS IS IN RETROGRADE

Mars is in retrograde so why wouldn't this week have been weird?
That I know this fact is strange enough.
I do such random acts of borderline chaos on social media that all things are possible and odd facts stick to me like velcro.

So this week I had good luck or a miracle depending on which side of the coin you fall.  I entered into a heart catheterization with a stretched out right heart ventricle (severely dilated was the term) and left with my heart looking good. All working well. No worries. Nothing stretched out and flabby like old underwear. Strong heart. (For those of you who want the miracle version, check I Pray Anyway blog)  Odd odd odd. Dr also surprised.

I had such odd fun in the cath lab. Also odd, odd, old. I went up early so they didn't give me sedation (until later). Put together my repressed extroversion and nervousness and I turned into Tina Fey---only not funny---except to me.

First, do you know how many people are in the cath lab? About 8 if they would all only hold still.  All jabbering and jabbing and messing up. Interns wrecking everything they touch right when it's all totally sterile. Nurses sighing and teaching interns who will earn way more than they do. Teaching interns with such big hands. That's all I could see. Big ham hands. I kept thinking, "I hope they aren't doing the fine embroidery work, going up into those little arteries." Thank goodness for all the video games they've played!!! Everyone talking about me as if I'm not there and getting it wrong. "No No my arteries were not too small in 2011! I know I was there!"  Two of the people in the lab knew me from work and we shared goofy stuff that bored and irritated the others. And turned out to be awkward.  I asked for warm blankets and got all bundled up and it made me want to have a bottle. By the time the doctor entered to do the real thing, I was demanding like a newborn and babbling like a teenager.  He knocked me out reeeeeal fast.  

To top off weird, I now own a cat---again. How did this happen? Mars in retrograde means "Make no decisions that are long lasting". My husband has been adamant that he would never love again (dramatic music) after our last two cats died. I watched my daughter use magic coaching technique to talk him into a "family outing" to explore the idea of a cat for my granddaughter saying that a house without a cat just hasn't seemed normal for her since ours died!! Did she come home from the animal shelter with a cat? No. Did my husband glom onto a cat within two minutes of entering the shelter? Yes!  Is the cat nondescript and boring? Am I still allergic to cats? More odd, odd, odd.

Was my week boring? No. Is Mars in retrograde? Yes.
Am I nuts?  Be quiet.
Am I lucky? You bet.

FLASH MOBS MAKE ME HAPPY

I love spontaneity.  Suddenly following an inner impulse.
I know flash mobs are planned but the electricity of surprise for others carries the same energy.  And the not knowing what might or what could happen is the fun.

I feel more alive when I suddenly say, "Yes" let's--
Play hooky from whatever was planned
Go to the movies on 10 minutes notice
Buy those boots
Call an old friend who may not remember me
Treat my grandson to a HUGE banana split with no fanfare about it
Decide to sequester to read with a] glass of wine (at 10 am) in the morning
Send a box of See's candy to someone with no card
Yell or growl because I feel like it
Sit at the beach in cold weather acting like it's not
Go to the Water Park and be the oldest one there

And as far as flash mobs go, I especially love when music and dance create joy on the faces of surly people going about their tasks. Wakes me up. Gives me hope.  We need more random good stuff surprising us.  Crazy gifts.