THE ULTIMATE LEARNING LABORATORY--MARRIAGE

Today, David and I have been married 32 years--we think. We relied on our sister-in-law, the family historian, to tell us how long we'd been married. She died three years ago and I still want to call her to be sure of the number of years. You do have to admit that February 19th is a really, really nondescript date for a wedding. We were too busy to notice. We moved to Maine from Illinois with our combined five kids, three days before school started, with no jobs and two houses unsold in Illinois. (We did what???)  Sounds more imposing when I write it. Anyway, here we are, who we are and what we've done---and learned.

—Fear motivates boldness. I got a job in three days time and kept on tap dancing until I kind of
   sort of retired ten years ago. (yep)

—We both were willing to love one another's children. If you're going to be a step family, the kids
     better be great people. Ours were. All five.They are still teaching us how to grow up.

—If you want a wide awake marriage, it will be uncomfortable a lot of the time. We chose not to 
    go to sleep on the job.

—Physical touch matters. I'm just saying. Even this kind--we hold hands in the night even if
   we are so not happy with one another, based on my dad's admonition to never go to bed angry.
   Well, we do, but we reach out.

—Our styles are incredibly different and irritating to one another. Our values and grit and 
   work ethic and love of our kids are not. Guess which matters more? (On a good day, anyway)

—We fight. Yes, we do. And we are so much better at it now.We know how to short circuit the 
   crazies and clear the gunk

—We get and honor the commitment of marriage. It is THE stake in the ground. And commitment is that x factor 
   that builds the bridge from the tough times to the good to the better. Doesn't that sound easy? Not.

—We are both more demanding and more understanding of one another

—We have not been good about celebrating our crazy glue marriage. Like I said, we were too busy.
   So it is time and that's what I'm doing

I am celebrating 32 years of marriage with David. Wow. I used to renew our marriage like a library book, a few weeks at a time. I now have a life time subscription. Wow. To you with easy peasy marriages, Congrats. To the rest of us. Wow. 

PS--It's been 33 years. Our brother-in-law just called!!