THE URGE TO PURGE AND OTHER PRIMAL RHYTHMS

There is a rhythm to the holidays that is deeper than tradition.
No matter how I try to resist some of them, they are not to be ignored and they will be expressed.  Even without modern advertising and communication and consumer frenzy, these impulses would be with us, in us.

There is the darkness theme.  The need to pull in, quiet down and to gather. This is the time for hope over fear--for reflection of "better" to come.
It is time to eat together-- the more the better, the fatter the better, the more indulgent the better.  It is a pre-hibernation feast.

There is the urgency and drive of building to one moment of celebration.
By Christmas, decorations have to be up, gifts ready and food cooked.
There is a pinnacle of expectation, followed by a purge.  You can see this tracked with specificity  in home magazines.

And there is an urge to give, to delight, to please, to tease, to have a feeling of abundance, enough to share.  The size or value does not matter one bit if the gift shows you are seen and matter and someone wants to make you happy.
I asked my crew, "Would you rather give or receive the exact right gift?"
Giving won, but the best it was decided when all are giving and receiving at the same time.

At one point, my daughter-in-law and I laughed and said, "Why are we doing all this?  We could all just agree to take it easy for the same amount of time as we take preparing."   We do it for all of it.  The planning, the laying in of stores, the huddling against the dark and cold, the giving and loving, and the rest and relief of a purge, of having a big celebration over.  And we do it for the hope of something holy.

These are deep human needs that won't be managed away.

SWITCH FROM HOLIDAY SCREED TO A HOLIDAY CREED

I can get pretty darned holiday hyper.
Right now I think the world is going to end because I can't find the James
Beard cookbook with my every Christmas Eve chicken chili recipe in it.
It is the first cookbook I bought.
I had it tucked on a high kitchen shelf for years. Scared it would get lost or
destroyed in a house with five kids.  Now kids are gone.  And so is the book.
Gone. James Beard is gone. 
Christmas is ruined!

Can't find one of the pieces of a felt advent calendar we've hung for 42 years.
Christmas is ruined!

Put the tree up too early.  Looks a little petrified.
Christmas is ruined.

The local picturesque main street is looking head shop sloppy.
Christmas is ruined.

I have to wrap, cook, make a special meaningful present, find all the lost things, write cards, put up the Charlie Brown tree on the front porch, call far away friends.  Two days to go.  Christmas is ruined.

It's commercial, it's exhausting, it's over stimulating.  Christmas is ruined.

That's my screed.  Here's my creed that saves Christmas for me.  Really.  


***I will be with people who love me or who never will regardless.  So I'll  get over performance anxiety that Christmas can bring.
***I will know the difference between tradition and obligation.  One is satisfying
even if hard to do (like the darn chicken chili without the recipe!) and the other
is tough to do even if easy. 
***I will remember that once people get into the house with coats and gifts and food, that the house will be a mess anyway
***I will sit every three hours with coffee, tea or a glass of wine and just breathe and shift into a slower gear.  I'll find a hiding place to breathe. 
***I will participate at my own gathering and not be the host every minute
***I will do one thing less than I planned 
***I will get it through my head that Christmas can't be ruined.  Just enough tradition will carry it with a different tone and permutation each year
***I will remember that Christmas is both sacred and pagan. I won't insist on one or the other.  
***I will allow the built up rhythms of our particular Christmas history carry me as I step back to catch my breath from a year with lots of family deaths.
***I will enjoy watching as my adult kids step to the fore and do the  cooking and managing and coping. 

I'm in the mood for a very silent night.
Hush.
Don't ruin Christmas.

HAVE A LISTLESS, LISTLESS CHRISTMAS!

Listless--meaning without a list!!!
I have been wanting to write about my philosophy on "lists".
Of course I have one!

I write lists in order to not have lists.  To protect me from constant pop-up
tasks.
I so mean this.

List gnats are everywhere.
I have a bunch buzzing over my head right now.
'Measure back door to see if new fridge can get by it.
Yikes.  Send nephews gift cards.
Talk to designer about new business card.
Call daughter to see about trip for New Year's.
Write people who live away Christmas cards.
Email Sun Savings (yep-long time ago) friends a "thank you".'

I'm not going to do those today!!
I don't do never ending lists.
I am, however, addicted to constant brain dumps.
I put those list gnats down on paper in order to ignore them.
Consciously.

I do have goals for the day. Some are pedestrian and some quite grand.  They all move something forward that I care about. Friendship.  A home that functions.  Creative projects.   Basically I get them done and let the rest go to hell.
  
That, believe it or not, takes discipline.  I am not happy if I don't do my goals.
But I am very happy about all I DID NOT do.
It takes real effort to NOT get things done.

 I've done my goals for today:
  Read for an hour in bed with coffee
  Made dinner for my traveling daughter to leave at her house for late arrival.
  Prepared for two clients this week.
  Dug out Christmas decorations.
  Wrote blogs. Well, getting there.

Done,done, done, done, done.
For the day.
I'll check my brain dump tomorrow and see what I want to move forward.
The secret is to have days or hours that are listless.
A mind that can be listless.
That, and a good list gnat repellent.

Is this my neurosis on parade?
How do you get to listless?
How do you manage pesty list gnats?
Tell me I'm not alone in this!

INDIFFERENT OR CONTENT

I have been bothered by a state of indifference.
Usually I over care about absolutely everything.
I may have gone numb from a year of drama.
New life, many deaths and big events and health threats
Here I sit
Nothing to be done about any of it
Christmas music plays 
My grand daughter draws quietly in California cold
Imperfect weather
Lots goes wrong right now
And still.   
There is peace in succumbing to what is
A moment of contentment
Not indifference

THE EVAPORATOR--MY HOLIDAY GIFT TO YOU!

Yep, I had a perfectly lovely food filled, love filled, game filled, family filled Thanksgiving.  I offer this is a disclaimer for what follows.

THE EVAPORATOR was created during a stress filled travel moment in an
airport.  It's great for any over peopled place so
 the airport environment was the right condition for its inception.

OK.  Here's the deal.  For THE EVAPORATOR to work, you need at least two people.  Somehow using it by yourself doesn't have the same positive impact.

Here's how it works.  For any given situation you can choose to evaporate ten people.  They don't get killed.  They don't get hurt.  They get "evaporated".
You evaporate them by pointing your finger at the person you want to "get" and nod your head.  Both players have to decide on the same person.  "Boom", they are gone. 

Such a relief.  That gum smacker?  Gone.  Loud cell phone talker?  Gone.
Big headed person who sits in front of you at the movies when the place is empty?  Gone.  Snobby cousin complaining at Christmas about gluten in your home baked traditional cookies?  Gone.  

Great to play at home or work.  Last minute boss requesting documents for
a Board Meeting?  Gone.  Disappearing admin?  Gone.   Crazy customer who causes a ruckus because you touched his credit card to help out?  Gone.

Gone.  Gone.  Gone.
Try it.  So satisfying.  You'll be surprised at how much better you feel.
Just a nod of the head.  Boom.  It's the suppressed part of irritation that makes you nuts.  Get your evaporator partner ready as you head into the holidays.

AND/OR  (this could be fun) send in your favorite evaporates!
Ho Ho Ho---- so to speak.