DOESN'T HIBERNATION SOUND GREAT?

The rhythm of this season goes way beyond any religious significance and beyond even pagan times. I'm talking primal. Can't you feel the nudging  like a biological instinct?  

Let's gather. First, gather goodies. Then gather as a tribe. Gather around fire and warmth. Cozy down. Celebrate with relief that the darkest days are over.
Eat too much. Drink too much. Share what you've hoarded. 

Then hunker down. Wait again but with the knowledge and hope that you are through the worst. Keep that fire going. Doze. Parse out what you have left from the gathering before. Be still. Save energy. Trust that Spring will come.
Sleep. Let the extra fat melt from you as you sit. Allow yourself to prepare by
doing nothing until the time is right. Until then, effort would be waste. Hibernate. You will know when the time for action has arrived. The light will tell you. Until then, rest.

Doesn't hibernation sound great? 
Trust your rhythms as you wend your way through the end of the holiday season and into the new year.  Shhhh. Hush. Wait.  

PEACE ON EARTH HAS TO BE POSSIBLE!!

So, IF Peace on Earth HAD to be possible, what would you do differently?
Today, Tomorrow, next week, next year?

Looking for answers!!

SPIT IT OUT!!!!

As social animals who are biologically wired to fight or flight,but we are evolving into the need for collaborative and cooperative behavior.  In other words, we will either wend our way to more civilized behavior or we won't have any place on earth to wend.

So we (not enough of us) try to be nicer. We swallow our anger. We agree when we want to violently disagree. We tolerate people who irritate the hell out of us. We manage to stay calm when we are shaking inside at injustice. We don't scream with every frustration.  

So what to do with all the withheld primitive feelings?  SPIT, SPIT, SPIT.
I mean this literally.  I'm reminded again of my now 18 month old granddaughter—my guru. She is an eater and will take anything into her mouth. But she sure won't keep it in if she doesn't like it.  Out it comes within a nanosecond. (NO.DON'T LIKE IT. WON'T HAVE IT.  CAN'T/WON'T DO IT.) 

And I remember a time when I visited same daughter in Malta where she was a foreign exchange student.  It was New Year's Eve. I was jet lagged. She had been up studying for finals and getting ready for my visit.  We were good and grumpy. We went up on top of her roof and named every discontent we had and then spit over the side. We were happy at the end---and thirsty too. Since then I have had a spit fest more than once.

Any time you can take something festering inside you and make it physically symbolic, it is ridiculously relieving and effective. Spitting is just the fastest and easiest and most primitive method.  Don't laugh or cringe or go "yuk".  Just  spit out your hatred, your cynicism,l your disappointment, your anger—your poison. Refuse to swallow bad stuff. Get it out of your system fast. Be your own poison control center.  

THE IDEA OF A FRESH START CAN KEEP YOU STUCK

A fresh start sounds so good. In fact it can sound so good that it never happens. Maybe I'm having an early allergic reaction to New Year's resolution time approaching. Or reminding myself that fresh starts can trap you into not getting started at all.

A New Year —is a trap.

I'll wait til monday —is a huge trap.

After this big project is done— is a giant trap

When the holidays are over— is a trap

After I do my 'to do' list is done — is a seemingly tiny but potent trap

When I have learned enough and read enough I will do it —is a major trap

When I get other people's approval and in put-- is a gigantic trap

When my calendar clears up— is a crazy trap

And your trap is ?????


Basically, life stays messy so, start whatever matters to you in the middle of the muddle.  

— SHARING MY RULE OF 10—

Have I already talked about my Rule of 10? I've meant to.  It falls into the category of loving iidiosyncrasies of people. Like my own! I think about  my 18 month old granddaughter who fell in love with a bag of Epsom Salts and jabbered to it and carried it around very purposefully all day long yesterday. I loved the absurdity of it. Just as my rule of 10 is my own "behavior peculiar to an individual" i.e. idiosyncrasy.  

About My Rule of 10:
When I am too tired to do more, I use the Rule of 10.
When I feel guilty about something I need to do and am avoiding it, I use the Rule of 10.
When I am into something, like a project, and need to stop but can't seem to,  I use the Rule of 10.

Here's how it works:
 I decide to do ten more things to push progress a little further, to put a stop to something I need to end, or to assuage guilt about a task  that's keeping me from focusing on something I want to do. 
The ten things are usually small but they can morph into more depending on how I feel.  They either spring me into more action  OR they  help feel like I made progress and can stop because the guilt monster has been fed.

Yesterday:
-- I was bothered by a crowded book case. Rule of 10?
I picked ten books and put them in a box for the dump which led to pulling out at least 20 more.

--I had holiday heebie-jeebies, so I ordered 10 presents for people out of Maine.

Today:
--I had Granddaughter detritus all over the house. Rule of 10? I picked up ten things and walked away to write.  (Lego pieces counted as one)
--I wanted to read and couldn't enjoy it so, I edited 10 pages of my book manuscript. I got involved and edited a hundred pages.  

The Rule of 10 is seriously helpful to me. I do that extra little bit.  I avoid full blown procrastination. I keep momentum going.  And I tame my beast of needing to be productive. 

I suggest it for the holidays.  Call it one of my ten gifts.  Or call it nuts.







'

THANKSGIVING MANDATORY GRATITUDE

 Mandatory gratitude is a good thing.  The discipline of a stance of gratitude is a good thing.  In fact, gratitude is "in".  It's been researched and found to help with the immune system, aging well, depression, losing weight, and bringing abundance to life! 

I support gratitude and I love Thanksgiving--my favorite holiday by far.
Food, family, food, thanks, food, time together, food, tradition, food--what's not to like?

I am interested in how we get numb to our own blessings on a daily basis.
Our heat, our electricity, our friends, our daily abilities become an accepted and expected part of our lives, not the gift that they actually are.  Not every one has them.

And I wonder about how to expand our gratitude to the things and people that hurt us for all the richness and lessons learned from the discomfort.  That's where the rubber of gratitude meets the road of bad bumps.

From a metaphysical point of view there is nothing better than starting and ending your day with gratitude, daily thanks.  Here's to Thanksgiving for
putting a habitual time out for gratitude into our lives every year.  An American tradition that could use expanding.  

MORE SPUR OF THE MOMENT OR MORE FLOW OF THE MOMENT??

Actually, I want both but I have my life organized to have neither.
Or NOT organized to have both!

I love spur of the moment ideas and actions. They provide zest, vitality, surprise, a "why not?" attitude.  Playing hooky is heaven.  Being just a little outrageous makes spur of the moment even better.  Planning to go to a nice dinner a week ahead of time isn't half as good as doing it on the spur of the moment. It doesn't have to be a big grandiose plan.  In fact it has to be NO plan just a sudden decision to do something you want to do NOW. I bought a stove this week in 10 minutes when I went to the store to buy a timer!!!
I had a quick cup of coffee with my daughter when we both needed to be somewhere else and were running late.   My husband and I impulsively got a new cat (dumb, swore not to, didn't wrestle with the decision) on the spur of the moment.  Big or little, It's invigorating.

Flow of the moment is a different animal from spur of the moment.
It happens when there is time enough to allow something to emerge.
There is the same quality of doing something you hadn't planned to that gives pleasure but  there is a sense of flow and timelessness. I was reading a cookbook and I moved into a soup making marathon with no hurry and no fuss.
Three soups in an hour was easy, satisfying, fun. No missteps.  On a Sunday afternoon, my granddaughter took a nap easily, my daughter and I played cards and moved into cooking dinner together.  None of this was planned.
It just happened. That's what I mean by flow of the moment. It feels like there is enough time--a rare occurence for me.

Am I nuts or is your experience of time like mine?  I like most of what I do or have to do. But my life is lived in fragmented chunks of over commitment to a schedule, a calendar. We all live this way which is why allowing for spur of the moment activities or flowing into a nice moment is difficult. Too much planned time.  

I'm thinking of going off the grid of the calendar every other week to allow a more organic use of my time.  Of course, I'd have to coordinate with you to
go with me. There's the dilemma, right there.  We are all over booked and the serendipitous likes freedom.

RELIEF OR HIGH ANXIETY???

I can mess up any operating system in a minute. I do have computer anxiety.
I took a class long ago with my direct reports at work. They can validate this story. The teacher said, "Don't worry, you can't do any damage."  Well, I did. Who knows how? The teacher didn't. Kept saying, "I don't believe you did this!!"

Needless to say, I have a little sense of Jinx when it comes to technology.
And I have "learned incompetence" from having had good support people around me at work, where I just yelled, "Help".  Often and loud. 

I got in a "Let's create order!" frame of mind this last week-end. Not good.
I don't do order so well.  I'm a clear thinker in chaos, but should not approach
minute ordering. I do well with "glumps".

I decide to clean up my computer and iPad. (So go your closets, so go your iPad and computer)  Let's say I had many many many many emails to trash.
Many, many. I turned on the cooking channel and began my clean-up.
I'll never share how many hours passed!

But, for one glorious moment I had ZERO emails. I didn't mean to delete the last 100 so if I haven't responded to you, now you know why. (See what i mean?) But it felt great.  A little odd, like I had no friends or importance in the world but exciting. No burden, no guilt, no clutter.  I did the same with my iPad (not as easy).  I felt like i was on helium. 

But then, no email appeared for a day and a half. Bye, bye freedom.  Hello anxiety.  What did I miss?  Who had I offended? What great surprise did i
pass by? I had pressed too many random keys which is my approach to technology. So I pressed random buttons again and there were 200 plus emails immediately in front of me. I felt safer. And I felt chased. How to stay ahead of the onslaught? 

Food for thought.  Still chewing on it.
I bet you are too.

I'M IN A SUGAR HIGH/COMA!!

And I like it. Toosie Pop glory. From Halloween!!
I remember when candy was just fun and you had it whenever you could.
Yes, you had to brush your teeth, but you didn't think it would wreck your life and hormones.  

There was some kind of deal when I went to the movies in grade school that you could get six candy bars for the price of five.  Peppermint Patties that were the size of a hockey puck, (Yes, all candy bars are smaller) Chuckles that defined you as a "red" fan or a "black" fan which means you saved those for last.  A huge Charms sucker that left the roof of your mouth raw. A Peanuts Planters bar that you had to suck into submission.  A Butterfinger bar that crumbled dry and then formed into cement in your teeth. Buttery good cement. And saved for last and the end of the movie IF you had good pacing was the Heath Bar, which was a bar not a chip like it is today. 

There was an art to making each goodie last as long as possible.
You either bit each ridge of the Chuckle off one by one or held it in your mouth til it was slippery and had to be swallowed.  It would be so awful if you suddenly gobbled or bit too soon.  

Now I worry about sugar, grains, meat, pesticide on fruits, lifeless veggies,
bad ol dairy.  I am nostalgic for Jello and Pop-Up biscuits and mushroom soup used on everything for sauce. No one was fat. They were heavy set.  

Hell with it.  I'm going to make a retro dinner.
Iceberg lettuce with Russian Dressing--mayo, ketchup, sweet pickle relish
Or Perfection salad--shredded cabbage and carrots in orange Jello.
Canned corned beef hash as filling for Pop-Up pin wheel rolls with (what else?
mushroom soup gravy.
Canned green beans with tons of butter.
And--Butterscotch Ripple ice cream for desert.
Or canned Mandarin oranges with miniature marshmallows and shredded coconut and Cool Whip!  

What will my grandchildren yearn for?
Kale chips?
Fruit gel?
Omnipresent granola? (the word makes me gag)
Hummus!!!
Gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, SIN free treats.

I made everyone in a small Starbucks laugh long and hard when I ordered and said, "Please give me a vanilla latte and hold everything good"  Everyone knew I meant sugar free, caffein free, dairy free pretend latte!!

"I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

That quote is from the film A Thousand Clowns (not originally from the film
Network).  If you haven't ever seen A Thousand Clowns, do it. The lead character Murray (Jason Robards) is beyond a free spirit. At one point, fed up with the craziness of the world, he shouts this mantra from his window into the neighborhood.

Why am I mad as hell?
When I'm a customer, I want to be right.
When I'm a patient, I want the doctor to be right.
Simple.  

I went to a restaurant this week for lunch.
Glad to see lots of open tables but puzzled about the line of people waiting.
They take my name. I wait. We all wait. Standing. 
The line moves slowly. My turn along with my friend.
First in line. Six tables open. Guy says we'll seat you in about 5 minutes.
I ask if we can sit at a table and wait.
He says, 'No, we don't want to swamp the chef with orders all at the same time."  I say, "I just want to sit and have water and look at the menu."
He says, "No, we don't seat people til the chef is ready."  
We leave. I forgot the business exists for the chef.

Next restaurant, the hostess asks us if we mind waiting while she finishes a phone call?  We say, "yes" we mind.  
I order a salad.  I can't choose the dressing I want. Salads come with only the one mentioned in the menu. Easier for the kitchen. She brings the wrong salad with its lifelong companion dressing and asks if I mind keeping it because it's really really good. "No", I say, "I want my salad with the rigid choice of dressing."

I go to the doctor to get back results of important tests. Lung tests.
I follow his lead. He chats about my sleep apnea, we share recipes. We talk kids. He is very very nice. I'm getting anxious to hear results. He starts to leave. I say, "No I'm here for test results." He says, "They never tell me"  He gives the results.  They are good. He leaves. I grab a nurse and say, "Great news, I don't have cancer, but I still can't breathe".  Doctor comes back and examines me and says, "Yep, you have asthma and we need lung tests."  Very nice guy. Very. But who is in charge? Me?

You all know this. I just wanted to gripe. Work is being shifted and unloaded but it has to go somewhere and that's on the consumer's shoulders. I understand self-accountability. But  don't proclaim service. Make sure I know I'm in this alone. New definition of customer---that person who makes the seller's job easier.  New definition of health client---exhaustingly vigilant person
protecting self from health care.

I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
This is best shouted out an open window.
Join me

FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

Do you remember certain friendships that were like falling in love.
It's just so fun and full of kindred spirit with so much to talk about.
And so safe to share absolutely anything.

This is rare friendship and no one can  have many of this kind.
I've been blessed with several in my life.
And now a new old one.

I have reconnected with my best friend from Freshman year in college.
All kinds of reasons for the disconnect. None of them good nor dramatic. Just life.  I stumbled on her email, wrote and now we write daily.
In love again!!
I love when life takes "random" out of the equation and makes the exact right thing happen.

And now to brag about her.  She is an exquisite writer although she would hate to have that word used. She is an elegant country farmer philosopher,and a precise word painter. She manages to make daily life lifted through her writing.
Here's something she sent in response to my complaints about my battle with clutter. 

Keeping

keeping hope for the kindness of 

Fate and others,

keeping track of mundane pairs: socks

gloves, knitting needles,

keeping my mind supple and my legs 

strong,

keeping the ability to respond to 

mystery and beauty,

keeping a sense of gratitude and

awareness of serendipitous privilege,

keeping my balance,

keeping family relationships

strong,

keeping only things i truly

need or value,

keeping a clean and tidy house?

not worth keeping.  

Liz Swenson

MARS IS IN RETROGRADE

Mars is in retrograde so why wouldn't this week have been weird?
That I know this fact is strange enough.
I do such random acts of borderline chaos on social media that all things are possible and odd facts stick to me like velcro.

So this week I had good luck or a miracle depending on which side of the coin you fall.  I entered into a heart catheterization with a stretched out right heart ventricle (severely dilated was the term) and left with my heart looking good. All working well. No worries. Nothing stretched out and flabby like old underwear. Strong heart. (For those of you who want the miracle version, check I Pray Anyway blog)  Odd odd odd. Dr also surprised.

I had such odd fun in the cath lab. Also odd, odd, old. I went up early so they didn't give me sedation (until later). Put together my repressed extroversion and nervousness and I turned into Tina Fey---only not funny---except to me.

First, do you know how many people are in the cath lab? About 8 if they would all only hold still.  All jabbering and jabbing and messing up. Interns wrecking everything they touch right when it's all totally sterile. Nurses sighing and teaching interns who will earn way more than they do. Teaching interns with such big hands. That's all I could see. Big ham hands. I kept thinking, "I hope they aren't doing the fine embroidery work, going up into those little arteries." Thank goodness for all the video games they've played!!! Everyone talking about me as if I'm not there and getting it wrong. "No No my arteries were not too small in 2011! I know I was there!"  Two of the people in the lab knew me from work and we shared goofy stuff that bored and irritated the others. And turned out to be awkward.  I asked for warm blankets and got all bundled up and it made me want to have a bottle. By the time the doctor entered to do the real thing, I was demanding like a newborn and babbling like a teenager.  He knocked me out reeeeeal fast.  

To top off weird, I now own a cat---again. How did this happen? Mars in retrograde means "Make no decisions that are long lasting". My husband has been adamant that he would never love again (dramatic music) after our last two cats died. I watched my daughter use magic coaching technique to talk him into a "family outing" to explore the idea of a cat for my granddaughter saying that a house without a cat just hasn't seemed normal for her since ours died!! Did she come home from the animal shelter with a cat? No. Did my husband glom onto a cat within two minutes of entering the shelter? Yes!  Is the cat nondescript and boring? Am I still allergic to cats? More odd, odd, odd.

Was my week boring? No. Is Mars in retrograde? Yes.
Am I nuts?  Be quiet.
Am I lucky? You bet.

FLASH MOBS MAKE ME HAPPY

I love spontaneity.  Suddenly following an inner impulse.
I know flash mobs are planned but the electricity of surprise for others carries the same energy.  And the not knowing what might or what could happen is the fun.

I feel more alive when I suddenly say, "Yes" let's--
Play hooky from whatever was planned
Go to the movies on 10 minutes notice
Buy those boots
Call an old friend who may not remember me
Treat my grandson to a HUGE banana split with no fanfare about it
Decide to sequester to read with a] glass of wine (at 10 am) in the morning
Send a box of See's candy to someone with no card
Yell or growl because I feel like it
Sit at the beach in cold weather acting like it's not
Go to the Water Park and be the oldest one there

And as far as flash mobs go, I especially love when music and dance create joy on the faces of surly people going about their tasks. Wakes me up. Gives me hope.  We need more random good stuff surprising us.  Crazy gifts.

VACATION SUCKED!

Monday--not doing so well on challenge.
Wake up to husband measuring windows for possible replacement
(passive aggressive?)  No, just narrow focus on a goal.  
Sums up my week though. 

I did minimal computer work but missed it.I have to admit that coming to the computer does feel like a vacation. MY world.  My choice what to do.  Refreshing surprises.  Manageable Comforting.  No wonder we run to them.  Like a pacifier. Self-soothing.  

 I did stay up til 1:30 every night reading and speed watching Mad Men with not thought of "having" to go to bed.  Not the sort of soulless fodder to gorge on before bed. I had a Mad Men hangover every morning. Almost made me want to smoke too.  

Lessons learned:

--My computer is fun. Don't want or need a break from it. In fact I did a virtual college reunion last week when I and others couldn't go in person.  It made for a better, deeper connection among whole group. We wrote questions and memories for the 3 day event.

--Hard to take big break when your spouse isn't. Being under on roof takes  
  coordination and contact.  And he was great at keeping it minimal.

--The universe frequently has ironic humor. Went for an indulgent facial.
   Two hours!! Left with warning about cancerous spot that needs immediate a
   action!!

--Sweet surprise moments are just as good as a vacation. More refreshing.
  A slow walk (not exercise) with my husband, musing about everything.
  Watching a TV football game with my 18 month old granddaughter on my lap
  (content and not squirming)

--A creative collaborative meeting with the woman who is working with me 
  on my book--I PRAY ANYWAY--Devotions for the Ambivalent.  No vacation is 
  better than creative collaboration

--Working too hard to have a vacation isn't one

So vacation sucked, but life was good

SIGN ON DOOR---GONE READING!

I'm on a self-declared vacation.
I'm going nowhere.
As in nowhere.
No packing.
No travel.
No clients.
No lunches.
No appointments (well one)
Will read only for pleasure. 
Will buy junk magazines.
May stroll like a tourist in town.
Will have a massage
No set time to get up in the morning.
Minimal tasks.
No goals.
Movies in the day time on my iPad
May spend one night in local inn.

From Sunday to Sunday I'll report back.
Can this Type A pretending to be Type B face this challenge???

FATE IN ACTION

I've been wrestling with why using social media makes me cringe.
(Actually I've made other people cringe which then makes me cringe)

One reason is I have been such an unconnected friend from so many former lives/eras.  And it seems odd/rude to suddenly pop up with a jaunty 'friend me'
out of nowhere.  

Another reason is 'like me' is somewhere in between Valentine's desperation day and marketing as in making a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Sorry to say it, but we are ALL not THAT special.  

The third reason is I'm so bad and unskilled at using various social media and so I do 'wild and crazy' things, not meaning too. Some of which are funny and some, not so much.

Fourth, plain simple modesty. I think it's a good thing. I have too many 
executive clients trying to learn to be loud and assertive and to give up being modestly very good at what they do.  

It has already become on trend to unplug. It will be fun to see how that
morphs into a connected way to disconnect.

In the meantime, I have enjoyed the random surprises that come my way when I pick- a- face- any -face.  So I call it Fate in Action.  The name or face that appears is the name and face that should appear and I reach out or say "yes"  When the overly conflicted student is ready the teacher appears. 
And great lessons in humility follow.

SUMMER REDUX

I had Summer packed into two hours and it worked to fulfill the longing Summer brings in Maine even while you are enjoying it.
My dear friend called and said she was back in Maine.
That's happy news. Then she said, "Come out to my mom's house and go to the beach."  

I had lots of writing to do on various projects, I was baby-sitting for my 18 month old grand daughter and I had promised, promised, promised (liar,liar, liar) my husband to help with income taxes for a return that we had extended and extended and the time was now in our faces.

SO, of course, I went to the beach. Probably the spontaneity of the decision made it so fun. "Taxes? Beach?"  Suddenly I felt like a tourist. I loved the drive to the house with roadside  lobster stands,  flower stands and tourist restaurants.  I suddenly had a new wave of affection for my Maine. I saw it with "people from away" fresh eyes.  The sanity, the beauty, the healthy families out biking, the pridefully well-groomed homes, big or little, seemed rare and precious, NOT to be taken for granted. 

My grand daughter went into the ocean naked (unplanned trip, no bathing suit, no extra diaper) and frolicked in the freedom--of a safe welcoming uncrowded beach and accepting people who delighted in her as they walked past.
And I re-connected with my friend's mom and my grand daughter played with the toys of my friend's son and so it goes.  

So it goes you are privileged and lucky.
I am.
May I keep this in mind.

PARENT EMIRITUS

Most of you know I have five adult kids all over 35 and some grand kids too.
They are fully functioning wonderful adults but they are my children.
I'm still learning that they are just fine in the world--with me or without me!
It's a new stage to be loved but not needed.
Part relief. Part loss. 
It is their time to be in the forefront bumping into the world.

And there are great joys in this stage.
Last night I watched my daughter sing with 3 great back-up musicians.
I've seen her many times but this was my daughter at her best--sassy, loose,
improvisational and heartfelt.  A pro. (Do check out Megan Jo Wilson)

Another time I got to watch my son be the press liaison for the Dali Llama in Massachusetts. Long back story to that.  There were thousand of people, high security, pushy journalists breaking security rules and everyone wanting to see and touch the Dali. My son was on, alert, making quick decisions, guiding events, totally professional and polished----and having fun.

I could go on, giving more examples of all my "kids"--moments of their pure adult competence.

Here's how you know when your kids are truly adults:
You enjoy watching them work and are not nervous for them
If something goes wrong, you don't even think of helping.
You experience them like others in the audience do, not just as your kids
You know you could not do what they are doing.
They look to peers before they look to you for affirmation of work well done.
They handle grown-up pain on their own.

Very gratifying and weird at first. But wonderfully freeing too. Your attention can return to you.  
You are now adjunct, parent emeritus!

WANDER LUST OF THE BRAIN

My brain has wander lust.  That's a very good thing.  It means I'm ready to explore, get more grist for the mill.  I'm tired of familiar topics and interests.  The Internet is perfect for this kind of refreshment.  Bumping into disparate things is the basis of most creativity and innovation.

Don't make sense of your interests.  Just follow your nose.  

For instance:

 I want to paint.  I do every once in a while for friends or kids birthday cards.

 I want to look at kids' art.  It slays me because it's so good.

I want to watch ballet on streaming video and compare dancers.  Why? I dunno.

I want to read vegan recipes til I'm ready to cook some.  Takes a lot of cashews to replace cream!!

I want to speed watch House of Cards so I don't get too scared or disgusted.

I want to understand the mathematics behind crop circles

I want to read fictional history of the middle east---as if any history isn't fictional

I want to read specific shaman practices of the Inca--I just do!

I want to play Bubble Witch--I've ditched Candy Crush.  I hate those creeping chocolates

I want to respond to people on my Linkedin page

I want to see if i want to read Boswell's biography of Samuel Johnson

I want to not read for a week to see what emerges

Listen to Joseph Campbell:

--Wandering time is positive.  Don't think of new things.  Don't think of achievement, don't think anything of the kind. Just think, 'Where do I feel good?  What is giving me joy?'---

A COZY TRIBUTE TO ROBIN WILLIAMS

My son and daughter-in-law and new baby (3 months) live in a small apartment complex.  Maybe 12 units. They are friendly with one another but not a group that gathers as a whole to celebrate or party.

In honor of Robin Williams, one neighbor sent out an invitation to join together to watch a Robin Williams movie outside. They set  up on top of the concrete flat roof garages and projected the film on the side of the building. They voted for Good Will Hunting to watch. People came with their pillows and chairs, some in pajamas.  Four couples came carrying baby monitors. A cozy, easy, flannel lined, coming close to celebrate Robin.

So, dear soul Robin, see this kind of love for you and of you-- connecting people who are not naturally connected to give some happiness and to ease any sorrow for a while.

You knew both happiness and sorrow so well.  Thank you.

I AM MY OWN BEST DATE

I forget how much I like to go on a date with myself.
Last night I went alone to hear my daughter sing as lead vocalist in a local big band. I hesitated. My husband couldn't go. All my friends had other plans.
I almost gave it up. Didn't start til late. All younger people would be there. I had a good book to read at home.

WHAT?? WHAT??
I had forgotten how fun it is to go out and about alone.
I didn't learn the enjoyment of being my own date until my work included lots of international travel. I learned to go out to eat alone and love it--not pretend to love it like lots of lone eaters do, but to love it. I would get the best table to sit and watch people. I would order exactly what I wanted and would eat slowly and just look at people. Stare even. It was so liberating to get that comfortable in my own skin. 

Now I happen to  love an anonymous hotel room. Love love love it. Nothing belongs to me. I don't have to clean it, refurbish it, get rid of it, or change it. I travel with a candle so any room can be cozy. But I would get  get hotel room fever and have to go out.  I had conquered eating alone, so I had to learn ho to do entertainment alone.

My initiation was to go to Cirque du Soleil by myself. I was scared/exhilarated. What freedom!  No coordinating, no one early or late, everything so easy.  And the experience was so much better, richer. I dove in. Ooooohed and aaaaawed and clapped with delight like a kid. I learned the same to be true with museums and movies. No distractions. Bigger experience.  

Am I a misanthrope?  I'm beginning to wonder, but I'm talking about something else--not hating to be with others but enjoying being with just me.
Anyway, I had forgotten the pleasure of going out on a date alone.  
Not waiting for others, not discussing what to do, no coordinating moods, just you.  Who better?  Why would anyone go out with you if you aren't your own best date?  I'm going to ask myself to go steady.

I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!

I wanted to write about going to see my adult son run in the Beach to Beacon race in Cape Elizabeth, Maine.  It's a real deal race.  Top international runners, beautiful road to run, lovely community that supports every runner from fleet to not so. Eight thousand runners in a race that is well organized, friendly and civil. Somehow my husband and I, daughter, and granddaughter managed to not see a glimpse of our guy racing. Nothing. The funny story was about how we managed to make up stories about what had happened. It's so hard to tolerate "not knowing".

BUT, I have just finished reading a book called The Good Spy by Kai -----.
It's basically about the Middle East and the bombing of the Beirut, Lebanon
American Embassy in 1983. It gives tons of background to the devastating Israel/Palestine bloody cudgeling of one another. It got graphic about the aftermath of the bombing and suddenly I was first angry, then sad, then discouraged, and lastly defeated.

Now it is easy to get into staunch positions on this topic. Passions and religious rights are ancient and beyond strong into nuts. And we can tsk tsk about the crazy Middle East.

BUT then, I think about a very local issue.  A successful, much loved local supermarket chain is involved in a family feud that is literally killing their business and all they have created as a family, They have never been able to make a collaborative decision about anything. The upshot is their employees are boycotting their own stores in favor of an ousted leader. The chain has lost millions of dollars.  A competitor has gained a windfall from hate.

Maybe I am writing about the Beach to Beacon race after all.
As families, as communities, as nations, we can't afford this kind of entrenched 
hate. Hate that can't respond to good, that has no "give" in it, that is blind, self defeating and contaminating of those around it.  

What do I do? I try to manage my own sense of outrage that could disintegrate to hate.  I try to keep enlarging my lens about what it means to care about the "whole".  I wrestle my strong opinions into reasonableness.
I keep my eyes open to my own ability to hate.  

The Beach to Beacon race was indeed a beacon of what its like to experience
support for what is good in being part of a group, community, nation. I'm hanging on to that.

I WONDER IF I NEED A REALLY BAD BOSS?

Does everyone out there have a boss?
One of our sons once shared office space with my husband.
He came home saying, "Boy does dad have a bad boss.
He can't go out to lunch or take a break or go home early."
I could use a bad boss.

As our son noted, my husband has a very very good "bad" boss who demands that he shows up and works whether he wants to or not.

His boss won't let him off the hook.
NO MATTER WHAT!
My husband listens to his boss and obeys.

I can seduce my boss.
My boss believes me when I say I'll do it later. My boss believes me when I say 
"carpe diem".   
My boss lets me off the hook and underestimates what I can do.
Mmmm.
Should I hire a new boss?  
Or enjoy the bad one I have?

What kind of boss do you have? 
Tough, laissez faire, tolerant?
I think I'll name mine Ms Mc Nice-Then-Nasty.
She indulges me and then punishes the hell out of me.
Not fair. 

Yours?

IN PRAISE OF GRACIOUS HOSPITALITY

I am on vacation--visiting married friends of my daughter and mine too.
My granddaughter travels with us. Easily by the way.

Everything about our friends and their house says,  "Welcome,be comfortable, enjoy."

The house itself is welcoming and the proportions themselves
bring comfort. The space says "gracious".  Architects talk about this feeling and so do scholars of aesthetics and it sounds very esoteric ---until you experience it. Do you know what I mean?
There are certain spaces I step into and am immediately soothed, comforted, at home. This is without people involved. I'm talking about the space itself.
I wonder if all of you would experience the same thing as I do here or is it individual. Plato would say "no".
That you would feel it too.

Then add to that welcoming hosts whose mantra is "Do what you want.
Be at home. What do you need?"  In other words, gracious to the core.
Kind, pleasant, courteous as the definition says. 

I keep thinking what a power graciousness could be in a world gone crude.

WOULD YOU RATHER-------

I hope you know by now that I never know what I'm going to write until I sit down to do it. That keeps me from boring myself!!

I was heading to how and why I love sports radio.
Or my high interest and low understanding of Quantum Physics
Then I figured,"Hey,it's summer, nobody should be reading my this at all.
So here's one of my car trip survival games.
My 7 year old California granddaughter is really good at it.

I'm sure you've played.
But here are some to get you started.

l. Would you rather have to walk on gravel or a really sticky floor for the rest of your life?

2. Would you rather have to eat chocolate ice cream for every meal or 
pecan pie? (rest of your life assumed)

3. Would you rather have really really really itchy toes or a really really really  itchy armpit for the rest of your life?  (granddaughter composed)

4. Would you rather have to sneeze every 15 minutes or cough every 15 minutes for the rest of your life?

5. Would you rather wear shoes 2 sizes too small or underwer 2 sizes too big for the rest of your life?

6. Would you rather have no libraries or no churches?

7. Would you rather never to be able to cut your toenails or never be able to cut your hair?

8. Would you rather always have to cook on an open fire or never have a refrigerator?

9. Would you rather eat a pile of pancakes filled with crunch ants or a hamburger filled with cooked worms?

10. Would you rather be in a single bed with Barbara Walters or Whoopee Goldberg?  

You get the gist, right?

Would you rather that Joyce shut-up or Joyce be quiet?

MY SIDE PORCH FREEDOM LABORATORY

I'm sitting on my side porch, my favorite perch to read or feel at home.
Old wicker, flower boxes and sun faded pillows.

I sat here yesterday for the 4th of July with some spray from rain.
AND I felt "freedom".
I was happy.  All events were postponed. I had needed a people break.
I was sequestered by bad weather.
I was alone.
I FELT FREE. Unencumbered.  
No expectations. No one I had to share with. No plans. 
Free.

Then I wondered about who might appear to "infringe" on my freedom.
With their own definition of "free".  Probably someone I love.  BUT.
What happens when more than one person wants their  freedom at the same time? Different freedoms?  Feeling "free" to come sit with me whether wanted or not. Am I "free" to say, "go away" It can get complicated fast.
I know the answer.  
I raised a family of five kids.
Rules begin.
Principles are developed.
Punishments incur.
Negotiation is endless to arrive at a "fair" amount of freedom for all.
How do you give maximum individual freedom without destroying the whole group?

Our country used to be good at that.
Now we all want to just sit on our side porch and have our own freedom even if it involves taking someone else's. The whole has to matter as much as the individual if you want a culture of maximum fair freedom for all.  

Happy Fourth of July! 

GAMES MATTER

Summer in Maine.
Family visit time.
I revert to my childhood games to entertain grandchildren.

Games were serious business on my street growing up.
There were 40 kids on my block. One block!
There was no adult supervision or intervention ever.
If there was a problem we retreated to the house for a quick cry or complaint and out we went again.

We were experts in self-organizing and decision making and selling an idea.
Games would come and go. There would be a lull and the visioning and selling would begin.  
--Let's play scientist (which meant pouring water from tin can to tin can which we got from the alley)
No takers?
How about -Kick the Can-
No--better at dusk.
Spud?
Yeah Spud.
And the game would begin.
We would argue about rules.
Pick teams. 
And, at last, play.
Until interest lagged and we would begin the discussion again. 
-What to Play?-
There would be splinter groups that would wander off and start their own game. -Captain May I?-  And it might become the magnet for others too.
There were apprenticeships in the more complex games. We younger kids were so happy to be given a totally irrelevant, unneeded role just to participate.
I, myself, played out out out field.  I got to trash talk but never saw a baseball come my way.

There was one game we only rarely played. Everyone had to be in the mood.
It was called, -I'm Going Away to Smoke My Pipe and I Won't Be Back til Saturday Night AND If You Dare Let the Wicked Witch in I'll Spank You With My Rubber Shoe-  I think I may have made it up. Let's just say it involved a good mom, a magic bakery, chasing and spanking with an old huge Converse sneaker, a shape shifting witch, lots of scarves for costumes and a passel of 
naughty kids who DID let the witch in.  

I hope you had one magical crazy neighborhood game.
I hope you had play with no adults around.
I hope you learned all the lessons of good play:
Fun, collaboration, getting over hurt, leading, following, creating, happy exhaustion. 

ONE PERSON CHANGES, EVERYONE CHANGES

Allowing someone to change (and being nice about it) is trickier than it seems
Especially for the better.
We can nag,cajole,beg and threaten a loved one to change
A behavior
An attitude
A habit.
Sometimes for years.
Then when he or she does begin to shift in the very direction wanted, there can be backlash:
Like--why didn't you do this sooner when it really counted?
(The too little to late syndrome)
Like--whoa, I kind of liked being one up-superior
(Now the playing field is more level)
Like--why is this person getting so many kudos? 
(I've been "good" all along)

One person's change triggers change for everyone
That's the power of an individual

MY BLOG GAVE ME INDIGESTION. BIGGER BURP NEEDED.

I won't retract my last blog/aricle/column/too many words for today's world.
BUT
I didn't like it when I re-read it.
Not because it wasn't "good".
But because it wasn't truth--est.

Here's the deal.
I want to write about my dad.
He was a big hearted blue collar union guy angry at the world's pain and injustice.
Boy could he rant and clear a Thanksgiving table.

He was a sturdy feminist.
He stood up against all my uncles sending me to a fine Liberal Arts college and raged when they said it was to get an expensive MRS degree.
He jumped out a window in 8th grade and left school when his honesty was questioned.  He rode the rails for a year.  

His dad walked away from my dad and his sister and his mom
She ran a boarding house to survive.
My dad was sexually abused by one of the boarders, who would not pass any butter to my dad at the common table in a weird power play. (We always had stock piles of real butter in my childhood home.  No oleo-margarine for my dad)  Later in his life a gay gentleman asked my dad to be his lover and in return, he would send my dad to Brown.  My dad regretted saying, "no".

He loved learning and could win any Double Jeopardy game with odd facts.
His favorite possession was a collection of the Harvard Classics which I now treasure.  

He was an extrovert and a willing adventurer. It always took twice as long to go anywhere with him because he would make a friend and find some odd connection which he would marvel at while we rolled our eyes.  He became a hugger late in life. Through very odd circumstances, he attended a workshop with me (an adventure)  and revealed his sexual abuse.  Well, it was so touching that he got a standing hug from all the participants and became everyone's dad. He was touchingly released from his wound. AND SO he became a hugging wild man. My mom, timid and reserved by nature, would complain, "He needs to ask people if they want a hug."  And so he did.  And did. And did.

I'll end here after having given you a flavor of my dad.
His name was Withington Robert Dixon.
No wonder he was called "Bud"

Now I feel better. Truer.

TELL ME IF I'M GETTING TOO CURMUDGEONLY

I am going to say a wonderful sentence.
"I am proud (and relieved) to be totally proud of my grand kids' fathers."
They are engaged, nurturing, teaching, laughing, stalwart under duress dads.
And my husband is a loving dad including to two kids that are not his blood.
(Doesn't that sound dramatic?)

And I like any excuse for a celebration.
My mom was a card sending machine.
I think she once sent a new car card!!

So feeling proud of all the Fathers in my life, I looked up how Father's Day got started. First of all it was in reaction to Mother's Day. But it has a sincere beginning by a woman, Sonora Smart Dodd,  whose mom died birthing her and so her father raised six kids on his own. She wanted to create a Father's Day on his birthday June 5th but it got pushed to the third Sunday by busy legislature guys in Spokane Washington.  Anyway, she worked away at it and it came into being primarily  through persuasion on retailers. Yes, it is a commercial holiday at its inception. And it irks me. (For the record, Father's Day sales are much less than for mothers. Need some work there--on the dads or on the ads)

And still, I can't not buy a gift. I used to go deep into meaning for this gift.  This year- a toss away. not sentimental, not even liked, a token. And neither my husband or I  cared. We will do a picnic with one of our families and maybe we wouldn't without the spur of a formal "day".  But, I balk at obligatory celebrations and so do some of my kids as I wait for a Mother's Day card and they give me the same schpiel I'm giving you.

So honor the dads if you need the reminder. It's nice. 
I jump over my natural rebellion about the commercial/obligatory celebrations.
It is too curmudgeonly. 

But give me birthdays. Pure, easy, natural, joy filled celebrations.  

HERE COMES ANOTHER TRANSITION!

Really?  Can't I just coast for a while.
Do I really have to develop and grow?
How about a little stagnation?

Not my karma this time around.
I am always having to re-balance to stay on the surf board. (Totally goofy analogy for me) Still you get the idea.  Adjust or tumble.

I should know that any decade birthday brings new letting go work.
But I had to laugh at the lesson that plopped in my lap from a 17th Century nun.

---from Light the Flame by Andrew Harvey

"I am
growing older and will someday be old. Keep me
from
the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on 
every 
subject and on every occasion. Release me from the
craving
to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me 
thoughtful
But not moody, helpful but not bossy. With my vast
store of
wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all but,
Lord knows
I want a few friends in the end. 

Keep my mind free of recital of endless details: give
me
wings to get to the point
seal my lips on my aches 
and pains.  
They are increasing and my love of rehearsing
them is becoming sweeter

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken
I dare not ask for improved memory, but for 
growing 
humility and a lessening cocksureness when my 
memory clashes with others

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be 
Saint--
some of them are so hard to live with--but a sour
old person is one of the crowning works of the devil

Give me the ability to see good thinks in unexpected
places, and talents in unexpected people. And give
me,
Lord, the grace to tell them so."


My new manifesto!!

OH MY MAYA

Oh my Maya
You've been with me so long
With a click of my heels
And a sing of my song

Learning who I am
Practicing my way
Asserting and dancing
Saying yes, nothing at bay

Phenomenal woman, women
Aren't we all?
You taught us true
We stand tall

Betrayed, invisible, rape of all kinds
We fight our fight, loosenng our ties
Pain may win for a while
But we are women and still, we will rise.

LESSONS FROM A NOW 14 MONTH OLD

All children are teachers and all adults are their students.


That said, lessons from a 14 month old

--Try anything and everything. 
  If you like it, do it again and again and again and enjoy the learning

--Take everything in (the mouth usually)
  If you don't like it, spit it out
  Immediately

--Let people know what you like and don't like
  Immediately and loudly

--Create an environment that works for you
  Your toys, your way

--When bored, stop what you are doing and walk away
  Let something else draw you

--There are no obstacles
  Push, shove, scream for help or walk right over them

--Look before you leap
  Think twice about who you want to hug

--Do it yourself, shake off unwanted help
   Eat your carrot your way

--Imitate, imitate, imitate
  Only people and things that you love

--Work hard to understand how things work
  Let go when it doesn't

--Be exuberant whenever you want to
  There is no "no,no" for joy

--Be an innocent learner
  Say yes until you are sure of "no"

--Plow through life with a smile
  All doors will open