faking my way to authenticity

I was a senior executive woman working with all men at my peer level.
Women's articles at the time talked a lot about "fake it til you make it."
AND I  did fake it til I made it.
Meaning, I had no path, no experience, no sense of being born to the role.
I had to forge my own way.



But in the first wave of women top executives,what was I supposed to fake?  Who to copy?  Who to look like?   Who to try to be?
So I was left with one option which was to be my self.  Not in the false reassuring, follow your bliss,
keep blossoming, gloriously rewarding expression of a self that makes everything wonderfully right.
But rather in the rough edged, lurching forward,  bumping and getting bumped, exposed vulnerable self that had to keep forging and learning and and plunging on again.

And from that honing i grew what was my core, my values, my voice, my talent.

You'll have to end up being your true self eventually.
I promise you. Life will eventually demand it.

So you might as well start there.
Lucky that I had no one to copy.

Mmmmm. REALLY GOOD MARRIAGE ADVICE OR OSCAR GOSSIP??

Ok,ok, ok, ok.  I have some really great advice about marriage.  Really.  Our daughter Megan and her love Joshua took my husband and me out to dinner for our anniversary and we had a great discussion with them about the top three things that support a committed relationship.  Really good stuff.

But I'm dying to get a read.  Did you watch the Oscars?  Did you still respect yourself?  Did you enjoy

picking over and picking at all the dresses?  Did you cringe as much as I did at Oscar winners trying to be funny and being too pathetic to make it into a high school variety show?  Were you bothered by

Anne Hathaways nipples?  (Can I write nipples?)  Did you want to punch the face lifted French poodle looking little rat lady interviewing people.  Obviously I did.  Did you want to say to Sally Fields, "no, no, no, no."  Did you like my other  very grown-up daughter say, " I have a crush on Abraham Lincoln"?  Just checking.  That's all.  I feel better.   My gossip quota for the year.

Marriage advice next time.

I JUST MAY BE READY TO BE A DOWAGER

My family may already think I am!
Yes I am a fan of Downton Abbey.  I tried to avoid it just like I tried (and managed) to never see The Titanic.  But I am addicted like the rest of the world.  I cry.  I always hate the first half when everything goes to hell, but am relieved when the resolution begins in the second half.  I wait for the plucking sounds of the string section to start.  Listen for it.  It means things will get better.

Anyway, I ask people which character they identify with.  It's like a Rorschach test.
Much to my surprise I identifiy with the Dowager.
I would prefer to be the wife of Lord Grantham.
But I am beginning to want to say and do what I want to say and do and get away with it because I am the Dowager!!
And I am fierce about wanting to protect my family and to hand down things--like pots and pans and photos and recipes and family traditions and values.
And to be waited on a little and revered too.
And not to care if I am dreaded a little and made fun of as well.
And to say my wisdom and maneuver if need be to make things right---to my thinking.
Positional power in the home!
I've had it in the work place. How nice to have it at home.

I think I need a cane.

I LOVE IDIOSYNCRASIES

The weirder we are the better, the more interesting, the more fully defined, the more freely expressed.
I just love the odd details that make people unique (and perhaps neurotic and crazy but soooo?)
You know what really makes me laugh when I think about it?
One person's idosyncrasies are another person's pet peeves!!
That works so perfectly to keep us all driving one another nuts!


I love the number 11:11.  Whenever I see it, I know something good will happen.  I'll take a picture and share it.

I won't eat tomatoes in a salad.

I always read three or more books at the same time.

I would like to abolish chewing gum.

I hate to touch buttons--like in a bowl!!!

When I want order but don't want to create it, I make myself touch ten things and see if it catapults me into action.  They can be reeeaaaalllly small.  Put knife away.  Put lid on mustard.  Hang up towel.
Either it gets me going or kills enough guilt to make doing something else ok.

Red licorice makes me think better.  So true.  Try a chew.

I love ice cubes.  They can make my day.

Whenever I start work, a song usually comes to me that is apropos to the situation.  Enough so, that if I dare to sing it out loud, it is usually very very wrong to do.  Like "Get a Job" for someone who lost theirs.  Or "Smile While Your Heart is Breaking" while doing grief counseling.  "Whenever I Feel Afraid I Sing a Happy Song" good for most occasions.

I get car key panic.  I can be at lunch and suddenly have to touch my car keys before I can go back to enjoying.

OK that is totally enough of my small crazies.
Tell me you have some too.