ALWAYS SAY YOU HAVE A FEVER!

OK. I can't help myself.  I'm going to add to the rant about health care.
Ever since I decided to put my health first, I've been sick.
Go figure.
Without giving the whole darn story, let's just say in the past three months, I've had a heart catheterization, a CTA, an MRI, and a full blown (what else would it be?)lung test.  These were prudent. I had chest tightness whenever I started y new get healthy exercise routine. Each ruled out important stuff like lung cancer and heart pumping ability.  The actual hands on care was excellent.  The communication of results and action to take was like a bad game of children's 
"telephone gossip"  Every single person wanting to do a good job and feeling blocked by time or staffing or ridiculous rules and hard to use computer programs that had tough to fill out screens. 

So mid-December I get sick.
Now at the end of January, I have been truly treated and am getting well. More than six weeks of non-functional illness.
Once again, people wanting to do good work.
I saw 7 different care givers--doctors or nurse practitioners.  Never the same one twice.  I am being treated for acute bronchitis, ear infection and conjunctivitis.  

Here's what I learned:
--In the GP world I used, everyone was on some kind of part time schedule or worked in several sites.  Very hard to see "my" doctor on short notice. No one person saw me twice.

--Each person's orientation to treatment was very different, alternative or more traditional, anti-biotic adverse or not, listener or talker.

--The obsessive check lists often blocked thinking and integration of symptoms.
For instance, my lungs  sounded clear and so many things were ruled out UNTIL
protocol was followed more closely. When I was asked (finally) to breath into a spirometer, my lungs were highly compromised.
  
--My mood and talk influenced caretakers more than it should have. I hate to admit to being sick and usually try to tell the doctor how well I am or tough or stubborn.  So I would laugh about my many visits and "ailments".  I would very progressively say I was hesitant to take an anti-biotic.  I told them the results of my big tests that were good.  With caretaker number six, I said, "Look I'm dying. I can't go on like this. I have a big celebration coming up. It's been like this since mid-December!!"  I'm on an anti-biotic and Prednisone. (That explains the rant!)  I feel good, people.

--I knew I was very sick before Christmas.  I called in to see if I should come in and If I were too contagious for my family guests.  Wrong questions!!!  My bad.
The nurse practitioner looked only at the question.  I had had to take an anti-biotic for a toe infection so she thought that would also protect my being contagious. She asked if I wheezed. I said, "no".  Later my son said I sounded like a cat purring.  My self reporting was wrong. I needed to be seen and I should have asked to be seen not if I needed to be seen. 

--It's hard to be an advocate for yourself when you are sick.

--Listen to  friends and family when they say they are worried about you.
That's what got me off the dime to try one more time to get at least up to the standard of "not sick"  to try again  for real health.

PS--Always say you have a fever


  

SEQUESTERED FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS!

My husband went to visit on of our adult kids for a long week-end.
I decided to give myself what I say I long for.
I cancelled any obligations I had and settled.

Turns out I actually want what I long to have.
But it sounds easier than it is to make happen in our culture.

First, it took lots of calendar juggling to create the free space.
Second, I had to calm my "get things done" inner junkie and not use the time to do a major household task.
Third I had to be more conscious about what to do with the emptiness.

I decided to read without purpose, to sit and think.
I set up in  front of the fireplace shifting my favorite chair to face it.
And i made the bedroom zen like and put white lights on a four foot grapefruit tree plant (planted with the seed of a grapefruit from the birth of my first baby--ahhhh)  I love it. 

I think I most enjoyed quiet mornings with no talk and I'll make this happen more often.  It was a gentle way to begin a day.
It takes awhile to settle into solitude so the truest day was Saturday.  
I read two books. The phone did not ring. No television. No online. Books, me, coffee, fire. I read a memoir, LITTLE HEATHENS, that could have been written my my mom about childhood on an Iowa farm. Perfect. Then I blew it.  I decided to read GONE GIRL for the fun of it. Fine. Except that I had already read it before it became what it is AND didn't realize it soon enough. I wont' say more.  No spoiler here.

Sunday I began to have the end of vacation heebie-jeebies because I had invited my daughter and family to watch football. Discipline slippage.  Thought I'd be ready for people. And I mostly was. I had a slow simmer of cabin fever going.

And now Monday comes with a flood of the undone.
I leave soon to pick up my husband and my everyday life.

We are one crazy busy culture.  Sequester for three days and find your own speed again--the one that doesn't adjust to demand from the outside.

UPDATE ON TEN IN TEN

Yes, I am doing my Ten in Ten plan.
Yes, I am taking photos of my cullings.
No, I haven't posted them on Face book
I'm on Day Four

And, like always, I've learned some things:

—I will honor a commitment I've made out loud

—This was a "should" commitment, so I do it without much oomph

—I am surprised at how hard it is for me to let go of stuff if it was a gift
   or has a modicum of sentimental value i.e. a broken acorn that was once 
   whole and reminded me of my swaddled grandson when he came home
   from the hospital. Now multiply that. I'm a sentiment hoarder.

—It is good to do a small bite if it is a "should" commitment

—It helps a lot to think of it as bigger than "get ride of 100 pieces of junk"
  Being a little grandiose motivates me. "I am clearing space for new energy."

—Books need to go unless they are joy givers. I have too many and need to 
  pass them on

—It is liberating to let go of stuff even at this modest level 

—I put the culled stuff on the porch to make sure it went away. There it sits
   frozen in snow! Jokster at work

—There is always a "blue plastic shovel".  I have been looking and overlooking
   a blue plastic toy shovel. Grand kids may use it when they come this
   Summer. OK, where do I put it to keep for 6 months? OK, the toy bin is in     
   the garage, iced in. What the hell, I'll just put it back on the shelf with
   cookware in the  basement.  Where I'll see it all the time. OK, I'll just 
   throw it out. Wasteful.  Seriously! That's my thought process. To the rescue!
   Into the frozen pile it goes.  There will always be a blue plastic shovel.

This is trivial stuff. Stuff is always a detractor of real issues.  I end with a declaration of my profound feeling of impotence when I think of Paris. Killed for being funny when humor is the answer.   "Je suis Charlie".

THINKING ABOUT BEGINNING TO START TO TRY TO COMMIT

Not a big deal.  Just a nagging thought that piques my interest--sort of.
Let's call it TEN IN TEN.
I'll explain soon.
First, please remember that I have written about the downside of fresh starts.
They can reek of perfection that kills commitment.
Fresh starts are a procrastinators delight.

Still, I'm wondering about a jump start go getting ready for new.
There's some new book out there about de-cluttering and its beyond spiritual 
benefits.  Hug your shoes as you discard them and embrace open space as you create it. I hope you know that this strikes me funny and maybe true too.

Anyway, here is what I'm beginning to think about starting to trying to commit to do. Maybe.

I wonder what it would be like to throw out, give away, take to the Goodwill store ten things for ten days in a row.  Large or small.  You know my Rule of Ten theory to assuage guilt and induce small productivity. (I think I must be a type A lazy person.)

Anyway, think about it with me. If I commit, I'll post photos on Facebook.
If I remember to try to think about learning how to  do that.